I'm a super villain. I'm not one of those hold-the-world-hostage-so-I-can-be-its-supreme-ruler kind of super villains though. I'm more the crazy-guy-with-a-theme-that-robs-banks-to-get-rich kind of super villain.
They call me the Defiler. Catchy, isn't it? The media saddled me with that one. I wanted to be called "The Smogger" or something equally lame as that. But right after my first big heist some newspaper somewhere came up with the tagline "Mysterious criminal defies bank security". But a spellchecker or printer somewhere misread it and printed the headline as "Mysterious criminal defiles bank security". The next day a different paper picked up the story and called me the "Bank Defiler". And so I had my villainous name.
I know what you're thinking. Why be branded with a stupid name at all? Well, when you're fighting a guy with a name like "Captain Amazing" or "Stupendous Man", you tend to get lost in the shuffle if you don't make yourself stand out, you know? I mean, yeah, it could help get ya caught if everyone knows what you look like. But if I'd be living in a different kinda world if I were the type that'd silently sneak into a bank wearing all black. Not that I really could if I didn't want to get caught.
See, my shtick was pretty simple. I was something of a chemistry enthusiast and I came up with a couple of compounds that proved extremely useful. The first was a powerful quick acting adhesive. It could not be dissolved except through use of a solvent I had also discovered which I kept on me at all times. The second (or technically third I guess) was an acid which was capable of burning through almost anything in seconds when I added a common household ingredient(I won't say which, I'm cocky but not stupid).
Armed with these two tools, I decided that rather than try to sell it I would use it for my own personal gain. See, I've got something of an anarchistic streak. I didn't want to rob the average citizen. So I decided to target banks that held the money of the rich and scum sucking. And that's what I did.
It was almost too easy. Even though I didn't have any superheroes to fight, I had to get past a good 30 cops and security guards. I had no trouble whittling down the banks defenses and making my way through to the vault before robbing it blind.
And really, that was it. I made enough money in that single caper to live out the rest of my life in total comfort and security. So I hung up my costume and vowed never to wear it again. A couple members of one of those Hero Squads that are all over the place tried to find a lead, but since I had stopped there was nothing to find. My compounds also provided no clues, as absolutely nothing unusual in their composition and so were untraceable. I made my way to a foreign country and was never seen again.
Which brings us to now. Although I was living a life in the lap of luxury, I couldn't shake the nagging feeling of something left undone. Some people will tell you about the rush of dangerous activities, but I never went in for that. If I wanted danger I could easily afford to go skydiving or something. It wasn't boredom either. I had plenty to do and to keep me interested.
What was this: my own selfishness. If I really wanted to help people by robbing the rich, why didn't I really do it? Why not keep robbing banks and give the proceeds to charity?
So that's what I decided to do. By the time you read this letter, I'll be on my way to Europe to take care of some of those Swiss Bank accounts I've heard so much about. If I've got to be a villain, I might as well be the kind that fights for the greater good.
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