Oh, the melodrama!

Count Felix Chuffing sauntered onto the balcony, humming a tune in a high pitched tone and giggling every time he went out of tune. Lady Worley sighed with deep and rich contentment at the sight of him. His magnificent and illustrious codpiece seemed to have a magnetic pull on her eyes. His resplendent pink frock and matching pantaloons and their rich shimmery texture she could almost taste from across the room. She swooned slightly as she imagined her lips brushing gently against his shoulder and the ecstatic reverberations of pleasure that it cause the pair.

She took several small gasping breaths, a good indicator her corset was firmly attached. Her exquisite puce gown glowed in the evening light and made her pale powdered skin seem light and ashen. Her wig sat proud and imperious upon her crown of tightly controlled hair.

Count Chuffing paused a moment as he saw her. He removed his gold framed monocle for a moment, not quite believing the vision of shining beauty before him. He replaced it and fairly skipped majestically to perch grandly beside the good Lady on the perfumed parlor bench on which she reclined.

"Hello, my honey covered fig," he whispered charmingly as he embraced her around the waist and his lips probed her delicate apple scented hand.

She shivered in delirious joy as the intimate contact between their two fleshes and so it was a moment before she was able to huskily reply with "Hello to you, my hungry little bumble bee."

He worked his way up arm and to her elbow until suddenly she slid her other hand between his lips and her arm.

"Stop, soulmate, stop! Or I shall be driven mad with passionate desire! My chastity yearns to be broken! When can our bodies at last be joined as one as nature surely intended?"

He immediately looked dejected and miserable as the soft gentle tears began to well up in his eyes.

"Oh, I fear it will never happen, my luscious pearl! My father refuses to even hear of it! I have enjoined him time and again to hear the songs my heart sings for you, but it is to no avail! And today, he has announced I must marry another! I am betrothed!"

With that, the tears began to fall from his eyes like warm April rain. the Lady sat, stunned. How could anyone deny the righteousness of their love?

"There is nothing we can do?"

"Nothing! The date is set for this Saturday! Why must the world conspire against dear Aphrodite?" he said between agonizing wails of despair.

She looked very blank for a moment longer. Then, as a single tear welled up in her eye, she knew what to do.

"My love, my heart. There is only one thing left to us; if we can't be together in this life, we must be together in the next. Fearing the pettiness of the large world I kept this aside, in case we ever would have a need of it."

She withdrew a tiny vial of poison from her bosom. She smiled falteringly.

"Hemlock, by which mighty Socrates' curtain was at last closed."

He looked at it for a moment and then put his head in his hands.

"So it has come finally to this. Conspired against by fate, but finally brought back together by love...and death."

"I love you, Count Chuffing."

"And I you, Lady Worley."

And with that each took a shake of the deadly killer, spread it upon their mouths, and their lips touched, for the first and last time. It was a kiss of a life unfinished, of a love undone. Of the angel of death. As they felt themselves fade away, they felt nothing save for the burning intensity in their hearts, until it, too, was no more. And they passed out of this world, locked in a lovers embrace they had never known in life but would always have in death, passed into a world in which love reigned supreme and nothing ever tore it asunder.

FINIS

Job Interview

"Hi, is this room 201?"

"Yes it is!"

"Are you Steven Keiller?"

"I am!"

"My name is Alan Waits, I'm applying for the sales position?"

"Pleased to meet you, Alan..that's quite a handshake you've got there!"

"Sorry, I don't know my own strength sometimes.."

"Oh, don't be! I like a firm handshake! Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?"

"Well, I finished my BA in English a couple of years ago and have been working the circuit trying to get a job as a copy editor. I've been working in retail since I was in High school so I figured why not try for sales?"

"I see. And what happened to your potential editing career?"

"Well, it just wasn't happening so I decided to try something else, you know?"

"Interesting. What appeals to you about working at Dowater Incorporated?"

"Well, you guys have a good reputation and I really feel I have a lot to add to your organization."

"Well, based on what you've said so far,  I'm a little concerned we'd just be a place filler until you got that editor job you've been looking for."

"To be honest, I'm done with that. I only halfheartedly looked. It was just something to do until..."

"Until what?"

"Well, it's nothing.."

"No, go ahead. I'm not going to hold it against you. I'm genuinely curious."

"Well..I've always wanted to be a writer. I've been trying to get published for awhile, but no luck. So, it's time to go out and get a real job."

"Hmm...well I thin I've heard enough. I don't think this is the place for you."

"What? But-"

"No, no protests. Your resume indicates you'd nominally be a good candidate, but I just don't see you fitting in with our culture here. This is a highly corporate environment. the other salesmen will eat you alive and slit your throat if they get half a chance. They're bloodthirsty. I don't see you like that."

"I'm a hardworker! I'd learn!"

"I'm sure you would. I don't want to see that happen. I've seen dreams crushed and left by the wayside far too often. Go out and do what makes you happy and the rest will follow."

"Are you sure I can't change your mind?"

"Positive. Go out and make yourself something you want to be. Don't be dried up and hopeless like me."

"Well, thank you then sir."

"You take care, son."

"Goodbye."

"Bye."

**************************************************

A couple of minutes after Alan had left, a man stuck his head into the conference room.

"John! What are you doing in here? I'm holding an interview in here in a couple of minutes..I need this space!" the man in the doorway said peevishly.

"Oh, sorry about that Steven. I didn't realize."

"Well, clear out!"

With that, he took off down the hall, muttering angrily. John sat there a few moments until Steven was gone and a small secret smile slowly crept onto his face.

A night out

I was in a bad way. I was a depressive, so on and off I had low points. That day, that month, was particularly bad. I had lost my job and hadn't been able to get another one. I finally bolstered the courage to timidly ask out the neighbor I've been crushing on forever and she turned me down flat. My puny savings had dwindled to nothing and I was on my last hundred bucks. Lonely and miserable, I hit the bar, intent on drinking it all out.

The bar was around the corner from my house. I had never been there despite living in the area for 3 years. I always figured if I was going to drink that close to home, I might as well do it at home. of course, I never felt that low before either, and there's a level of misery in which you want to be surrounded by people and pitied while at the same time being alone.

I sat right at the bar, which was curiously empty, since the place was pretty full otherwise. I had a beer, than another. The bartender wasn't paying much attention to me. To be fair, I probably looked pretty pathetic, staring into my beer and sighing. This didn't occur to me then, though. I wanted any attention I could get and would settle for pity. So I said to the bartender

- Have you ever wanted oblivion?

It took him a moment to register that he had been addressed and a moment longer to recognize I had spoken.

- Sorry, what?

- Have you ever wanted oblivion, I said again.

He smiled at the very tips of his lips and said, sure, in a voice that suggested he'd heard this line before.

- No I mean it, I said, a little indignant.

- I sure you do, he responded with a sigh.

- I mean, I don't want to kill myself. I don't want to die. I'm just in a pit of despair. I just want to forget everything for a little while, you know? Eliminate myself entirely.

- Pit of despair, huh?

- Yeah, I mean, everything is wrong right now, you know? Nothing's going right. I just keep failing and failing and stuff in my life gets worse and worse.

- Uh-huh.

- Like I just lost my job. I worked there for 5 years and they just let me go, like a piece of trash you throw in the garbage. And now no one wants to hire me. I might as well burn that BA for kindling, for all good it's done for me.

- Rough.

- Just before that, I asked out my neighbor from down the hall. She just looked at me like I was an alien, said 'I'm not really interested' and took off like I pulled a knife on her or something. I worshiped this girl and she acts like I'm dirt!

- That a fact.

- Damn right! I mean, how much worse can it get? Nobody's got it worse than I do!

- Fuck you.

He said it clearly and quietly and right to me. I hadn't noticed before, but he had fixed me with an icy glare.

- Wh.what?

- Fuck you. You think you've got it so rough. "I lost my job where they clearly thought I was shit! The girl I like doesn't like me!" Boo-fucking-hoo. Man up a bit will you?

- You can't talk to me like that, I said falteringly.

- Oh yes I can. It's my bar. You don't like it, get the fuck outta here. Things don't turn out exactly the way you want and you whine and whine. Guess what. the world doesn't revolve around you, you narcissist!

- Bu-but I can't help it. I've got depression and-

- Yeah, no shit Sherlock. That's fucking obvious. But you can sit back and wallow in how shitty your life is or you can climb up outta the mud and wipe yourself off. Everybody's got it rough some way or another; this is a tough world we live in. But you gotta fight for the kinda life you want. No one's gonna hand it to you.

He poured me a shot of whisky and one for himself

- Now, drink it down and suck it up. You seem like an alright guy, just don't be so pathetic, ok?

We clinked shot glasses and downed the whisky. Then he shook my hand and kicked me out of the bar. I started to head on down the street to another bar, then stopped. I headed back to my apartment. Oblivion would have to wait.

My Buddy

I woke up that morning feeling better than I ever had. You know that buzz you get when you're halfway through your morning coffee? Before you're all jittery and looong before the sugar crash? When the caffeine has just kicked in and you feel warm and happy and ready to take on the world? Exactly like that but more intense.

I woke up the wife and we made passionate love for almost an hour, easily smashing my old record of 22 minutes and our couples record of NEVER having made love in the morning. When we finished, I immediately rolled out of bed and jumped in the shower. Weirdly, I was even MORE energized while my other half merely lay there for another couple of minutes, totally worn out. I was in and out in a minute flat, and as I went for my post-shower shave I was surprised to find I didn't have any stubble at all. I was still completely smooth faced. While I did think this was odd I just shrugged it off in my post-orgasm euphoria and got dressed.

I got down to breakfast and found I wasn't really hungry for anything and just had a glass of juice. I decided to bike to work as it was a beautiful spring day, something I had resolved to do at New Year's but hadn't gotten to until now. I kissed Michelle goodbye and headed out, getting to work by bike in an amazing 20 minutes (it often took 30 by car). Curiouser and curiouser, I had barely started to break a sweat when I arrived which was unusual as I was one of those thick and gross guys who leaves sweat imprints under the armpits almost immediately.

Today was the day of the big presentation at work. Rather than follow my carefully scripted notes I decided to wing it. I was a huge hit. The president of the company came up and shook my hand afterward, saying I 'had a bright future in this organization' and that he 'was keeping his eye on me' and giving me a wink. My supervisor took me to lunch to celebrate.

The rest of the day just flew by and my work seemed easier than ever and yet never boring. I flew through as least twice as many TRE45's as I regularly do. It was on the bike ride home I got the surprise of my life.

******
I had just crossed onto my street on the way home when suddenly a voice piped up inside my head that said "Not bad, eh?"
 I was startled and crashed the bike into the curb. I went flying over the handlebars but unbelievable landed solidly on my feet like an expert gymnast. Now I really started to wonder what the hell was going on.
"Easy buddy," the voice in my head said again. It was grainy and electronic, like an auto-reading software voice crossed with an auto-tune.

"Who are you? Where are you?," I managed to get out.

"Gelf. Sit under that tree there and I'll explain the whole thing."

I went and sat down.

"Now, please explain," I said, calmly but with a hint of bewilderment.

"Alright. I'm an alien, from the star system next to what you call the milky way. My species is tiny, almost microscopic by your standards. until we form a symbiosis with another being, we can survive but not thrive or procreate. Through some strange quirk of evolution, we discovered this planet full of beings that match our ideal conditions for hosts perfectly. So for centuries we have made our way here to join with you."

"So you're some kind of space parasite? And you're...inside me now? "

"I am inside you now, yes. In your upper cerebrum, as a matter of fact. But we're not parasites. Parasites harm their hosts for their own benefit We are symbiotic. We work together to make each others' lives better.

"I don't understand."

"Consider your body to be like my house. I live there, so it's in my interest to not only keep it in good shape but to make improvements and additions to it as I go. Think about the amazing day you've been having so far, and I've only been in here 24 hours! think what things will be like after a week or a month!"

I considered what Gelf (they apparently didn't have genders and used their names instead of personal pronouns) had said. It was crazy, but no crazier than anything else that had happened today. And at least it was an explanation.

"Soooo now what happens?"

"We are not a conquering race. We're not going to force you into anything. What happens now is I offer you a choice. You've seen how I can improve and make your life better, but if you still feel uncomfortable with having another being in your body, I'll leave.It's your choice. But I really do like it here."

I thought about it, but only for a second. The offer was just too tempting. Increased mental and physical power? Who could resist? I took him up on his offer.

I was soon elected a Senator in Illinois. A couple of years after that, President of the United States. So if you ever have a red letter day out of the blue, I say act on it. You never know where it could lead.

The beginnig and the end

Eventually the universe stopped expanding and started to contract. The net effect of this was the flow of life began to go in reverse. The elderly became younger and fitter and regained mental faculties. Babies got smaller and smaller before rejoining with their mothers at the end of their lives in the womb. It took awhile to realize that all the graveyards worldwide needed to be exhumed as the dead rejoined the land of the living. Their bodies were cleansed of embalming fluids or placed in special unbaking ovens and taken to hospitals where they sprung back to life and were greeted happily by their children, who were now more properly called their parents.

Despite this seeming blessing, many struggled with being reborn again and having to work their way through deadly illnesses. Others were faced with reliving choices they'd made years ago and would have to make again. A morbid pessimism hung in the air, as everyone knew the day they would exit the world and rejoin the womb. It was written on what was now ironically called the Birth Certificate.

People slowly lost their minds.  We learn to accept our death in part because we have no idea when it will be. No matter how dangerous or foolhardy a situation we are in, we never really believe it's the end until it comes. Imagine what a burden it would be to know the year, day and minute when we would die. couple this with having to relive past horrors and not being able to stop them or even enabling them without realizing. Life became cheap and meaningless as more and more sought to take control of their destiny.

They would undertake daring stunts believing themselves invincible until they were babies again. This proved to be a false assertion and many foolhardy folks in their old age were once more committed to the ground.

Worse than the self-mutilators were what came to known as the past assassins. People who would hunt down and savagely kill the man who would rape them a few years down the line. Or they would cripple future bullies who had terrorized them as children. Everything became chaos.

No one knows who launched the first nuke. It was aimed directly at the white house, but the President had appeared increasingly unsteady the past few weeks and it wasn't impossible that he launched the nuke on himself as a surefire execution method. Whatever or whoever it was, it started a tidal wave of launches as every country that could emptied its mighty arsenal. The Earth was completely devoid of life within 56 minutes.

Still the universe continued to contract as the now lifeless Earth hung in space like a ball on string, swaying this way and that with the little gravitational and centrifugal force it still had. Systems and then galaxies began to disappear more and more rapidly until the entire milky way was reabsorbed into the ever thinning cosmos. it finally squeezed itself into an atom, then a quark and finally into nothing at all. The universe was gone.

A loud BANG and the whole thing started up again. Galaxies reformed and Earth once again was whole. When the first life began to appear in earnest, it begged the question: could everything happen again, as it had on this tiny blue ball? Would life take root again and thrive as it had before? Could we stop ourselves from making the same mistakes again? Would the whole universe just contract again anyway, making the whole thing moot? Maybe, just maybe, it was a second chance or us to get it right. Only time would tell.