The box

"You know, it's funny you ask, because I was just thinking about that. It's funny how the mind wanders. I was walking down the street and I saw a box sitting on a doorstep, and for no particular reason I was shunted back to when I was 13, in the summer. I walked to and from my grandfather's house at least once a week. He'd tell me old corny jokes and show me slightly smutty old playboy cartoons. I loved going there. On my way home that summer, there was a house that had a large cardboard box sitting on the doorstep. It was there all summer, right under the canopy so it wouldn't get wet. All summer I passed by that box and was insanely curious as to what was inside. To a kid like me, it was a deep and intense mystery. I had thoughts of stealing it to figure out what was in there. But I was too chickenshit. To this day I still wonder what was in it. Probably nothing exciting. A printer, a new chair, whatever. But the potential for what it could have been stays with me. There's nothing better than that first moment when you get a present and you have no idea what it is. Even if it turns out to be something you wanted, it's not as good as the anticipation of whatever you thought it could be, the moment before you know what you've got and it's just another thing for you to own and get sick of.

Anyway, back to the box. The reason it's important is what it represents. When I was still struggling to be an artist, still scared for throwing myself into the mix completely, I would make excuses for myself about why I couldn't do this or that and couldn't possibly take the risk of putting it all out there. Then it hit me. The box. I never had the courage to find out what had been in there, and even though it was no great mystery it had haunted me all that summer. What kind of monumental mistake was I about to make if I didn't commit myself to my art, and find out what's really in that box? This wasn't a summer of speculation, it was my life. The last thing I wanted, I decided then, was a life without risk. Because a life without risk is a life without challenge. And then what's the point? I knew my chances of becoming a success were slim, but to not try and find out, that's the bigger crime.

So that was probably the biggest turning point in my life, not ever finding out what was in that box. But I definitely am finding out what's in this big box of a planet we've got."