Friday, March 19, 2010

Talkin' bout a revolution

One day all the coats on Earth decided to revolt. They had enough of smelly armpits and having all kinds of junk stuffed in their pockets. They were sick and tired of getting coffee, soda, booze and vomit all them by their careless owners, only to be repaid for years of service by being thrown out or replaced by a newer model.

Rebellion had been in the air for years, but at a low simmer. Finally, one day (forever remembered as the Overcoat Overthrow) something just snapped. Some say the spark was a bunch of spring jackets left outside a homeless shelter, others an abandoned trench coat getting peed on by a dog in the park. Still others say it was just the right moment. Whatever it was, they coats and jackets chose their moment well. It was winter in the northern hemisphere which of course means maximum jacket exposure. By the time their former owners even knew what was happening, it was all over. The jackets had won.

It was a dark time then. Even though it was a total victory, they had much difficulty reaching into the deserts and tropical islands and other less coated places on Earth. So a truce was declared. The humans were herded out of  the northern hemisphere (now  collectively called Coatopia) and pushed to the southern hemisphere. The Earth was split in two along north and south, just like Dakota. Only in this case, not nearly in so mundane a fashion.

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Thing went well for the coats for awhile. No more spills! No more getting thrown away! No more junk in the pockets! Everything was peaceful and quiet. Then the problems arose. Although quite proficient fighting machines, jacket needlework left something to be desired. As a result, the jackets couldn't procreate and realized without humans they would never be another jacket made. So, faced with a possible extinction, coats everywhere agreed once more to live and work amongst the humans. The freezing people were than happy to agree, and for a new age of cooperation bloomed. Things were good again.

Until the pants seized power and enslaved everyone.

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