Friends

"How could you do this to me? You're supposed to be my best friend!"

"Maybe you could've been more attentive!"

"You're giving marriage advice? You're sleeping with my wife!"

"You're crazy. You and her have been having problems. She left and you didn't know what to do."

"You think that's an excuse?!?"

"You never listen when anybody else speaks. You and your wife split up. You yelled at her, you threw things. You hit her. You know that's not alright."

"You weren't there! You don't know the situation! You only know about the big bad monster you've heard about."

"You hit her or you didn't. Which is it?"

"You try coming home and finding your neighbor and wife in the same bed. You try staying calm as she mocks your manhood. You try not lashing out as the two of them laugh in your face in your own god-damned house!"

"You..might lose track of yourself for a second."

"You might. you did."

"So you'd go to your best friend's house...and you'd find your wife there with him. And you'd think the wrong thing after what  your neighbor had done. But you'd be wrong. You'd see your best friend didn't have all the facts and was just trying to console his friend's wife."

"You'd know he was sorry. You'd know he had to deal with the traitorous witch and you'd know about the life insurance policy on her head. You'd help him make the whole thing right after you knew the whole story."

"You can count on it. You know where the shovel is. After all, what are friends for?"